How to process the guilt and grief of a miscarriage | Living and LovingLiving and Loving

How to process the guilt and grief of a miscarriage

Losing a child, whether born or unborn, is an unimaginable grief that parents often find difficult to process.


On Wednesday Meghan Markle revealed that she had suffered a miscarriage, and shared her grief and pain in an incredibly honest and raw column penned for the New York Times.

ALSO SEE: ‘I knew, as I clutched my firstborn child, that I was losing my second’ -Meghan Markle opens up about miscarriage she had in July

Her experience may be one shared by millions, but it is one that is seldom talked about. The loss of an unborn child is not something that can be truly understood by anyone that hasn’t been through it themselves. But for families who are grieving the loss, it’s important not to become isolated.

Coralie Deas, a long-time Griefshare group facilitator in Johannesburg has this advice for parents to come to term with their grief:

Join a support group

I firmly believe joining a group is the most beneficial experience – it normalises how you are feeling.

Name your child

The child you have lost needs to be named and can be honoured as a ‘lost child’ within the family for the years to come.

ALSO SEE: 13 ways of honouring the baby you lost

Have a memorial service

A memorial service is also very healing, and siblings should be included.  Very young children are protected by not realising that death is permanent and children naturally practise ritual.

Release your anger

This always finds a target and can be anything from the medical doctors involved to the child who died itself, whether realistic or not.  If it is not realistic, it needs to be patiently listened to, as it cannot be reasoned away by logic.

Visit our sister website All4Women for more tips advice on how you can support a loved one who has suffered a miscarriage, and what to do when you feel guilty about your miscarriage.

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