How not to hate your hubby after kids

A lot shifts after child birth, but how you feel about your husband should not be one of them.

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Picture: iStock

Becoming a new mommy is wonderful but also a vulnerable time. Your body has changed, life has changed and your hormones and emotions are all over the place. This, coupled with a lack of sleep can lead to feelings that may not be logical or rational, like the feeling that your hubby hates you or is no longer attracted to you.

Be that as it may, if that’s really how’re you feeling and it’s making you feel miserable and unhappy, the best approach is to communicate that feeling to him so that he can offer you reassurance, understanding, affirmation, love and nurturance.

The most important thing right now is to keep the lines of communication open so that resentment doesn’t build up.

Focus may shift

It’s perfectly normal and appropriate that you may not be able to focus on the needs of your husband right now as you once did. And the truth of the matter is that he may have to adjust to the fact that your time is more limited. But do encourage him to open up about his feelings too. He may be feeling side-lined or excluded from the new bond you have with your baby or it may take him a bit more time to form a bond.

ALSO SEE: Tips to prepare yourself for a new baby

Working on assumptions of how someone else feels is not constructive. Feeling must be brought to the surface in a gentle and kind manner so they can be discussed and worked through.

You’re a team in raising your child so include him in the responsibilities as much as you can.

Right now, you both need to accept that a new baby is incredibly demanding so it will take some time to find a routine that works.

If you need to feel more loved, then the best way to do that is to voice your needs, ask for what you want using “I” messages. For example, ”I need to know that you still find me attractive” or “I need us to connect more right now.”

More about the expert:

Nikki Temkin is a Functional Health and Wellness Coach who helps clients recover from burnout, stress, anxiety and other imbalances to achieve balance, joy and vitality. To learn more about Nikki, follow her on Instagram or Facebook.

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