Parenting is a tough job.

And because it is, and we're often too tired to take the "tough route" with our children, we take the path of least resistance.

But does this type of parenting lead to happiness for our children? Does it really make them feel more loved and secure because we give into and indulge their every whim? Are there pitfalls we should be aware of?
A while ago I witnessed and exchange between a father and his small son that got me thinking on this subject.
The little boy was unhappy, perhaps even tired and his father was being wonderfully patient and kind. He knelt down in front of his little one and talked to him in a gentle voice. His son retaliated by hitting him and demanding that his father buy him a sweet.
The father went to the shop counter and picked up a sweet. The little boy yelled to his father to get him a gingerbread man as well. The father complied and went to pay for the items. Suddenly there was a commotion at the till. The father had lost his cool with the shop assistant and became angry at being made to wait to pay for his goods.
The father's indulgent behavior had neither made the child happy nor had he managed to set an example for his son. They both left feeling unhappy and frustrated.

So how do we get it right?

Dr Jim Taylor, author of 8 books on children and families, including Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child, says: "few parents grasp the essential meaning of happiness for their children and fewer still understand how they can help their children to find it."
By understanding how happiness develops, you can help your children to be in control of and actively foster their own happiness.
Bob Murray, PhD, author of Raising an Optimistic Child: A Proven Plan for Depression-Proofing Young Children -- for Life says: "The research clearly shows that happy, optimistic children are the product of happy, optimistic homes. You can create an environment in which your child's happiness will flourish.”
Here are 5 practical pointers that will set a good foundation for your child's current and future happiness:
1. Don’t try to make your child happy.
You’ve got to look at the long-term effects of trying to keep your child happy right now. Don’t give in because you’re tired. Stick to your rules be consistent.
"If we put our kids in a bubble and grant them their every wish and desire, that is what they grow to expect, but the real world doesn't work that way," says Bonnie Harris, author of When Your Kids Push Your Buttons: And What You Can Do About It.

2. Model happy behaviour.
Express gratitude, have a positive outlook on life and talk in a way that conveys positive emotions. Children learn this behavior and it will become natural for them to see the world in a similar way.

3. Encourage balance.
Very often we over schedule our children because we want them to have every opportunity to excel and achieve. Stress in our children’s lives is a huge cause of unhappiness and it can be avoided by making sure that your child has enough ‘down time’ to just be.

4. Build their self-esteem.
Many studies have established a strong link between self-esteem and happiness. However building self-esteem in your child is a minefield all on its own.
Often parents believe that praising every achievement and positive trait in their child is the way to building them up. However very often our praise is not honest. We gush over every little achievement, which experts say is the wrong thing to do.
I’ll write more on this in next week’s letter as it’s a whole topic on its own!

5. Communicate with your child.
That means listening to how your child feels without making judgments about those feelings. Try to find out why they feel the way they do. Don’t judge his feelings. They are what they are. But how your child reacts to these feelings is important because behavior has consequences. If you listen and understand, you are better able to suggest behaviors that will have positive consequences rather than negative ones.




Clare,letter,editor