New dads' biggest fears - sorted!

6. “I’ll have nobody to talk to!”
“A fear of isolation is common,” says O’ Sullivan. “Men tend to confide in their partners, and if she is caught up with the baby most of the time, they’ll have fewer opportunities to talk.” While it’s important to make time to share your feelings and experiences of fatherhood with your partner, O’ Sullivan recommends joining or forming a local fathers’ group or organisation which gives support to new dads, because, as he says, “If all your male friends are childless, sometimes it can be hard talking to someone who is not a parent.”

7. “I won’t be able to provide for my family!”
Everyone worries about money when a new addition to the family arrives, and this can manifest itself in fears about your job security and redundancy. “In the early days, men are often tired at work and walk around like zombies, feeling and looking terrible,” says O’ Sullivan. “But in my experience, work colleagues and bosses will make allowances in the early weeks, and after that they’ll just forget that you’re a new parent and won’t notice if you’re not quite as efficient as you used to be.” You’ll also find that doting grandparents will be more than willing to lend a hand if you’re struggling to make ends meet, but don’t forget to claim any benefits and check whether you qualify for any other financial entitlements.

8. “I won’t be able to protect my family!”
“This can be an overwhelming fear,” says Shotbolt. “There’s a whole raft of things fathers worry about – accidents, life-threatening germs, severe illness and terrible events like child abduction that we’re all exposed to via the media. The only way we can reassure parents is to say that these events – while awfully tragic – are terribly, terribly rare. With regard to vaccinations and healthcare, our advice is to talk through every fear you have with your GP, who will be happy to discuss all your concerns to help you make fully informed decisions when the time comes.”

9. “I’m going to die and there’ll be nobody to look after my family!”
“Many new fathers make drastic lifestyle changes once their first baby is born,” says O’ Sullivan, “simply because they realise that they have new responsibilities and can’t afford to die anymore.” While mortality rates in men under 50 are very low, for your own peace of mind, your health, and those of your partner and child, it is definitely worthwhile giving up smoking, cutting down on alcohol and adopting a healthier diet when you become a parent. You’ll feel better for it, and make a much better – and longer-living – father.

10. “I can’t have a career AND bond with my baby!”
Of course you can. “New dads have a right to paternity leave and can now ask for flexible working hours,” points out Shotbolt. “Spending time with your new baby is vitally important so that you both bond in the early days. Make friends with your boss and your personnel department and don’t worry about asking for what’s yours by law. And most importantly of all, don’t put excessive pressure on yourself to be at work at all hours – your baby needs you too.”

By Alex Gazzola

Page 2 of 2


fatherhood, parenting