New dads' biggest fears - sorted!

1. “I’m going to drop the baby!”
“These is a common fear because babies are so tiny and delicate, and look so fragile,” says Jack O’Sullivan of support group and fathers’ information resource Fathers Direct (www.fathersdirect.com). “New fathers feel so protective towards their babies and desperately don’t want to hurt them.” O’ Sullivan adds that new fathers shouldn’t let this stop them from holding and bonding with their little ones. “It does take a while to get confident handling a newborn,” he says. “But it will get easier – it’s a fear men get over quickly once they gain confidence.”

2. “My partner’s going to love the baby more than she loves me!”
Family and parenting advisor, Vicki Shotbolt, disagrees. “The fact is that you’re both going to love the baby more than you’ve ever loved anyone,” she says. “But it’ll be a different kind of love. Of course your relationship with your partner will change in many ways, both physically and emotionally. But you must remember that even if these changes are overwhelming to begin with, it won’t always be like that. The anticipation of these changes is sometimes scarier than their reality. Things will eventually settle down.”

3. “The baby won’t really need me!”
Oh yes he will. You, as father, will be the primary male in his life, a vital role model, the one he comes to know and love first. “There will be plenty for both parents to do when they have a new baby,” says O’Sullivan. “There’s a tendency in our society to infantilise men, which undermines their confidence in their own parenting skills. Yet research shows that men can be extremely competent in all areas in which women and mothers excel – except breastfeeding!”

4. “I’ll never be one of the guys again!”
“There is no greater life-changing event than becoming a parent,” says Shotbolt, “but that doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to spend time with your male friends. Yes, your interests will broaden and change, but that doesn’t mean your old life will disappear. Some of your friends may be fathers or will be thinking of becoming fathers in the future, and you’ll probably find that these men will be interested in hearing about your experiences of fatherhood.”

5. “I’m going to be a terrible father!”
“I think soap operas and TV dramas are to blame for this fear,” says O’Sullivan. “We often see characters starting off as doting dads then turning into wife-beaters or out-and-out losers or criminals. This perception discourages men, and influences them negatively. The trick is to turn it on its head and say, ‘Actually, I’m going to be a good father.’ Some women are surprised when they see their partner taking to fatherhood naturally, but the plain reality is that most men are actually rather good at it.”

By Alex Gazzola

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Fatherhood, parenting