Misconceptions about bonding

• For many pregnant moms, the hormones and expectancy of pregnancy lead her into a love relationship with her baby right from the start. In this case, you may begin dreaming about your baby and feel a huge amount of love for her as you rub your tummy.
• For others however, pregnancy may be difficult, unwanted or scary. It isn't uncommon for a woman to feel ambivalent towards her baby, or have postnatal depression. Dads may also experience depression and anxiety during their partner's pregnancy, which will impact on their bond with their babies. Fortunately, this doesn't mean these parents will never have a good bond with their babies. Most parents do go on to bond well with their little one later.
• For some parents, the moment they meet their babies they feel an overwhelming sense of love as they look at their tiny, beautiful newborn. Natural birth will facilitate this emotional response as the hormones released during birth create a flood of endorphins that give you an emotional rush. If the delivery is difficult or very long, or either mom or baby is in danger, the feelings may be very different. The exhaustion and despair you may feel if things don't turn out well can negatively impact on your bonding experience.
• On the other hand, some moms have a wonderful birth experience only to meet their baby and feel no love or fascination for her. Thankfully, the fact that you don't have an immediate emotional response doesn't predict the future relationship with your baby.
• For some parents, bonding is a long, slow journey. There's nothing wrong with this – as long as this love develops within the context of a caring, consistent relationship, it won't be problematic for your baby.
• Not everyone is overwhelmed with love at the sight of their baby. If, however, you never feel love for your baby and you feel as though your role as a mother is a process of acting out the motions and you're overcome with depression or anxiety, you should get help for postnatal depression as this condition may impact your baby emotionally.

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